I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
