So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
