I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
