I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
