There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I have demons in me.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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