shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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