end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
