I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
