It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
