If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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