so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Hippo gnu deer
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize