so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
