Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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