I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
