I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
