Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
