so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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