People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
