I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she pinky promised me she was 18
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
