You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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