Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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