stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
