just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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