so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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