I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
