So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
