My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
