I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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