Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
