drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
