found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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