I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
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