dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
