I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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