a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
