i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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