I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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