How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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