i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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