false alarm. still invincible.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
