i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
