Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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