why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
