I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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