remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
