Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
