Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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