you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
