Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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