I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
