So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
