I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
