Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize