I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just gargled with NyQuil
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
