now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
