You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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