The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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