tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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