I have demons in me.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
