They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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