i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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