I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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