i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
