I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
