You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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