im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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