you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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