We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
