Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
