Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I want to make a zoo with you.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Sorry my hands just texted you
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
