My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
