some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
