is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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