my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
as a side note pls kill me
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
