32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
