Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
