I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
