uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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